emeraldlightdonaldantrim

Summary:

The Emerald Light in the Air by Donald Antrim is an intensely raw, personal, and picture-painting story about a middle school art teacher and sculptor named Billy French as he attempts to heal after a series of extremely overwhelming events. Throughout the story, Billy battles with feelings of intense depression, grief, and loss. He had lost both of his parents a short time apart from each other in the beginning of the story, as well as the end of his long-term relationship with his girlfriend, Julia, supposedly the love of his life. The story reflects on the events that lead to Billy’s hospitalization and electro-shock therapy, often the very last resort for people with extreme suicidal thoughts and thought to be “non-curable” depression. Billy gets his blue Mercedes stuck in a creek with the intention to take a detour during a bad storm, a scene that is prominent throughout the story that shows the complete uncertainty and confusion that go along with Billy’s intense feelings. Billy revisits Virginia, the place where he grew up and feels most familiar, where he reconnects with old friends Mary, the girl he lost his virginity to in a field, and Julia, where they reflect on their past relationship and talk about depression and who they are as people post-breakup, as well as how they have built their lives. In the end, Billy French reflects on his experiences, and while he still holds a lot of grief, he does not allow himself to be consumed by it.

Reflection:

This story made me feel many emotions, as I found it very relatable. I struggle with functional depression, so these feelings are not alien to me, maybe just not as intense as those of Billy. I also lost both of my grandfathers two years ago in a very short time period. The Emerald Light in the Air depicts the yearning for things that could have gone differently, things that could have been said, or not said. What I get from this story is that we cannot erase what happens to us, but we can absolutely change the way we perceive them by reflecting on them, and that healing is a slow process. Grief is just the same as any other human emotion, and it takes time to heal. The question is, will you allow yourself to get better? Or will you let the grief consume you? Donald Antrim has a nice way of painting pictures through words, even things as simple as how slippery a rock is, the moss on a tree, or how fluffy the clouds are with birds in the air. I would like to read more of his works in the future.